Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
