if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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