He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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