By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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