if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
