Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In America we eat man semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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