Non-Jews are for practice
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
