I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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