Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
