My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
