You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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