thus making me awesome and them whores
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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