Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
