my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
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