A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
as a side note pls kill me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
