I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
