You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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