Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
