I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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