i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
