My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
