I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
3pm strippers are depressing
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
