Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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