I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
