I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize