we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
