In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
