Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
