before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
