U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
