your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
