when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
