If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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