I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
