I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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