Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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