uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
