I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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