barbara walters just said penis...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
