he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
