i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
