You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
