Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Even my vagina gasped.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
