Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
