I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So many bounce houses so little time
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You pole danced in your parka.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
