I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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