Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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