I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
