My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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