the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
