ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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