i already hear my dad disowning me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
