Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
