I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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