WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize