that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
