Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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