Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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