Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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