she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
