she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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