Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My life is pants optional.
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