On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Someone shit on the floor
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
