I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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