Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
