brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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