I'm eating all of the evidence.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
