i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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