This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
