His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
