did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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