What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
