im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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