i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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