I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
