I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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