i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
